In Need of Some Motivation

It's not the first wall I've ever hit, but this one seems to be pretty hard to knock down. My motivation to train is at an all time low.
I always say I won't sign up for another spring marathon because I struggle with winter training, but end up signing up anyways, so here I am, getting ready for Nashville in 10 short weeks. My longest run of 2020 has been a slow, shuffling 10 miles.

During the Chicago Marathon Oct 19, I heard God say "it's time to rest" and maybe I took it a little too far as I'm flirting with lazy / unmotivated these days. I have slowed down and been getting in what miles I can, but thought I would make a fun list to help me remember why I love marathons.

26.2 miles or longer.... 2007-Feb 2020

Alabama- Rocket City Marathon. Rained the whole time, still a sub 4
Arizona- Grand Canyon Rim to Rim to Rim. It changed me. 20 hours, forever will I remember that day.
California- Big Sur Marathon holy hills. Difficult but beautiful.
Florida- Disney Marathon so many stops taking pictures with characters.
Idaho- Couere D' Alene Ironman First Ironman Finish- counting this Marathon for my 50 states goal. Beautiful and nobody to hug at the finish. It was one of the most physically difficult days of my life.
Illinois- Chicago Marathon. Forever my favorite. So much so that I have run it 7 times. 
Indiana- Veteran's Day Marathon. Small little race. Was trying to break 4 hours so thought I would do this on my own. Didn't quite hit it that day.
Maine- Shipyard Main Coast Marathon favorite destination race so far, smiles with Brant.
NY- New York City Marathon- Harder than I thought and a bit of a blur. Best Marathon start ever.
South Carolina- Charleston Marathon- fastest- 3:56 thanks to pacer Tara
Utah-Cottonwood Marathon- Familia. Tried to run hard, downhill hurts.
Vermont Lost Cat Marathon- most fun I've ever had on a marathon. Mostly alone but such an adventure. Came in third place for this teeny tiny trail race.
Wisconsin- Wisconsin Marathon in Kenosha- first time brought to tears during (not after a marathon) - cold and windy and miserable. Used this as training run so made it an ultra that day, turn around at mile 25 to back track some miles to make it 31. These are the days that mentally strengthened me.
*South Africa- Comrades Izokuthoba- Humble me it did, and one of the turning points in my relationship with Jesus. 
*Bordeaux, France-Marathon du Medoc- crazy, wild, and fun and witnessed true determination to finish what was started by my friend Jess

I wonder if I have the will in me to train like I did for some of those races again. One training day I ran 16, ate, and went back out for 16 more, in the rain. Like a bossbabe. Another training day, I had the mental focus to swim in a pool, for 2 HOURS. Not the same as a 2 hour training run. I had days where I would ride my bike, ALL DAY LONG, for 7 hours, just to prepare to hit my goal on race day.

Motivation comes and goes and once I'm ready to really commit to training for a Boston Qualifier, I know that I have it mentally in me to really train to get there. In the meantime, I will rest and slowly build back up so that I can safely and happily cross another finish line.